No, it’s not the name of some new story I’m writing…
Remember the television show “Kung Fu”? Okay, you probably don’t, but there was a scene where the main character Caine (played by David Carradine) tried to take this pebble out of the palm of his master’s hand. The master was called Master Kan, and he basically told Caine that when he could take the pebble he’d be ready for the outside world. Caine had to prove he was skilled enough to take it. He had to earn it.
I feel like Caine, and comics is my Master Kan. And I’m still too slow.
I talked a while back about getting the amazing opportunity to pitch ideas to Jim Valentino and Kris Simon at Image Comics’ Shadowline. I’ve put together quite a few pitches in the past with full art that cost me an arm and a leg, so the opportunity was the most welcome one of my fledgling career. It gave me the prospect of getting an idea at least partially approved before hiring any artists to develop it. This is a big deal because, trust me, approaching an artist (whether penciller, inker, colorist or otherwise) with a guarantee to get something published is a lot better incentive than approaching an artist with the hope of getting something published. It also means being published at Image Comics. And getting published at Image Comics is my dream. It’s why I do what I do.
I pitched five ideas, Jim had a basic interest in two of them. I worked on them for a couple months. I re-pitched them…
And Jim didn’t like either of them.
Yeah, so that’s a little more lighthearted than I felt at the time. Instead of snatching the pebble from Jim’s hand, he snatched the heart right out of my body. I felt really discouraged when I heard back from Jim about the pitches. I think it’s only natural to feel that way. You put a lot of time and effort into creating something that you think has merit, and when it doesn’t work out you feel… drained.
And at first all I could really see was my disappointment. It flooded my senses so that everything I looked at had an aura of dullness around it. Everything I touched had less substance and every smell was tinged with it. I’m not writing this because I’m expecting pity, but because it’s the truth behind how I felt. Failure is a powerful thing. It can make you feel like you’re not good enough. Not just unable to do what you attempted, but not good enough to do anything.
But after a while that sense of failure started to fade. And when I looked at the email Jim sent in response I started to understand the advice he was giving me. So much so that it’s given me new insight into my writing and what I hope to accomplish with it. I think I’ve always regarded my comics writing as important to me, but when I tried to think of the best stories to submit to comic book publishers like Image I was always looking for the flashiest, most action-packed story I could find by default. There was no real substance behind it. Instead of writing something that was important to me, instead of using my voice and my individual intelligence and personality to bring life to my characters, I simply tried to write what I thought might make the most impact on a reader, editor, publisher, etc. And that’s not the right way to go about it.
So I’m learning. A bit at a time, I’m learning. Breaking into the world of comics isn’t easy, but it truly is what I want to do with my life. If I can continue to grow and improve, I’ll snatch that pebble yet.
